Why this? Why now?

I wanted to make a note for now about why this, why now? I wasn't blogging when I first came across an "a ha" moment for me (so no link), but basically it was something along the lines of "you do not earn grace, nor do can you achieve it through works ... you can only remove the obstacles to it."

For me, those obstacles certainly include the "hurts, habits, and hang-ups" of codependency (or as Ross Rosenberg calls it, "self-love deficit disorder"), food, alcohol, and screens (TV, social media).

More on the obstacles later, but as far as why this, why now, I want to leave this from Fr Richard Rohr on being open to grace:

Contrary to the grace versus “works righteousness” split that became popular after the Reformation, it is a lot of work and practice to remain fully open to undeserved and unmerited grace (Philippians 2:12-13).

There's lots to say and I will at some point, but I'll just start with noting that at this late stage of my life, it's clear that not only does this "work and practice" involve stopping with the numbing out all the time, but to "search wholeheartedly" for God (Jeremiah 29:13).

I'll be honest, my snooty, judgmental, intellectual (left) brain is not so sure about all of this, so I'm just setting that aside and letting my heart seek for now.